May 7, 2017

Reflection on Small Moments

This morning, I read again "A Precious Human Life" by Dalai Lama that's hung on my wall.

A Precious Human Life
Every day, think as you wake up. Today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive, I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others. I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.
                                                       --- His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama

Reflections on Intention to Write
But these days I don't wake up with such intention of living with gratitude and kindness; instead, I wake up feeling a sense of dissatisfaction for I haven't been able to write anything to share for six months. Six months! This sense of unsettling dissatisfaction opens a door for more agitation and restlessness to seep into my daily thoughts, making it even harder for me to concentrate whenever I sit down in front of my computer trying to write.

Then I ask myself, do I write to develop myself? Do I write to expand my heart? Do I write to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings? Or do I just write to announce to others how I've tried to live
meaningfully because I fear that my existence might fade into dust without anyone knowing about it? Does my life still matter if I don't write about it? So many beautiful beings have lived their lives fully for themselves and for others and left the world quietly without any writing about their lives. Do they matter? Of course! Then why do I feel restless when I have nothing to say?

Small Moments in Life
I've been back to California for a month after five months in China. Yes, there are many moments that have greatly impacted me, but I don't know where I should start. This morning, Pavi's sharing inspired me. Small moments are big! Mundane moments like waiting at a print store can be transformed into a memorable moment if we treat each moment as an opportunity to dive deeper into life. I began to think of the small moments that had sweetly touched my heart.

The brief eye contact with a burned-faced man on the subway in Shanghai, the quiet moment when I clipped my grandma's nails, the smile on my parents' faces when they washed their feet in one water basin before bed, the stranger who helped me carry my luggage down the long stairs at the station, the spontaneous conversation with a young man who traveled across China by relying on strangers' kindness...



Now I realize that small moments are what ground me, really. Small moments offer me true solitude that is peaceful, while "thinking big" can be very stressful. By being present to small moments, I feel relieved and free again. I actually began writing again after six months of not-writing anything.

True Solitude
I am reading the small book Solitude, which was recommended by Pranidhi during one Laddership circle.
The conventional definition of solitude is merely being alone, but true solitude goes way beyond being alone. It's the ultimate liberation from worldly entanglement; it's the deep sense of peace within; it's becoming one with the larger myth.

One essay in the book talks about the distinction between true solitude and false solitude. Though both solitudes seek to distinguish the individual from the crowd, they are different at their core.

"True solitude is found in humility, which is infinitely rich. False solitude is the refuge of pride, and it is infinitely poor. The poverty of false solitude comes from an illusion that pretends, by adorning itself in things it can never possess, to distinguish one individual self from the mass of other men. True solitude is selfless. It finds in itself seemingly inexhaustible resources of good to bestow on other people. False solitude is self-centered. And because it finds nothing in its own center, it seeks to draw all things into itself."
 

True solitude brings us real peace. I want to live a life of true solitude. Apparently, sitting alone restlessly for hours in front of a computer trying to come up with something meaningful is not true solitude; wanting to achieve certain results is not true solitude; feeling not enough is not true solitude. But when we feel enriched by small moments of connection, such as appreciating a tiny flower by the roadside, connecting with a cat lying leisurely on the sidewalk, or taking all the time it takes to help an "annoying" friend, we no longer feel not enough. To be able to feel enough is true solitude; to be completely comfortable to stay idle is true solitude; to be able to live fully in each small moment is true solitude. And we don't need to go into a forest to find that solitude; true solitude happens within us wherever we are.

A Precious Human Life
Today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it [in big thoughts or wanting to write]. I'm going to use it to connect with small moments, such as moving dirt one wheelbarrow at a time in the garden, listening gratefully to my mother's repeated messages on my phone, befriending someone who I didn't think was worth my time and effort, or looking into the eyes of a wild rabbit...

              

2 comments:

  1. A soon to be mama bird has been sitting in the corner of the ledge of my front porch. For two long weeks. Last weekend when it was very hot she would not even come down for a sip of water. She finally left the nest yesterday for a short while, perhaps to get food and water. I can now see a little chick in the nest, waiting for its mama. True solitude. Quiet devotion. So much to learn from the "lesser" species.

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    Replies
    1. Radha, that was quite a beautiful and peaceful moment seeing the mama bird and the baby bird going on with their un-assuming lives.

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